Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize