I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
