Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
COCAINE IS GR8
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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