I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ladies don't puke and tell
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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