Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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