Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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