Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Panties = found
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