i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
