Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
