i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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