Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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