I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize