Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize