I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
