you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
