I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
