the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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