...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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