i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
