YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
