Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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