: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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