Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
