Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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