Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
