cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
