dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
