It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
