During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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