You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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