I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
