Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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