So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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