dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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