So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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