I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
