My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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