I wish my penis had an off switch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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