everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
that may or may not have been my penis.
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