he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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