I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
that is very illegal...i love you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
