he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
