At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
