if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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