the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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