I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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