No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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