It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
