Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
