Having a random hookup so left but love u
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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