one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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