i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
