just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im part way to drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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