at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
