They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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