Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
