Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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