So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
