I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why is half of my head shaved?
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