david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
