eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
