Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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