The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
