Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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