it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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