i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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