A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
