i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
