# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize